St. Johns Fishers Cricket Club

The Cricketers at The Cricketers

kingy — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 08:44:32 +0000

SJFCC vs Redbourn CC

Redbourn Common, Thurs 12th August 2010

by Matt King

With the previous attempt at Fishers’ inaugural match against Redbourn postponed due to rain, there was absolutely no way whatsoever that the weather was going to defeat us this time around. A strong side had been selected by Cap’n Dawko for what we all knew would be a real test of our ability.

With Bungle being a last-minute no-show, ten-man Fishers congregated early at Redbourn Common with high hopes for the best match of the season, bar-none. On arrival, we noted the particularly height-challenged appearance of those already gathered at the club-house and our hopes were elevated. We soon realised, however, that these were not minor-counties players, but minor-counters (and spellers, and sand-castle builders) who were leaving after a day at the club-house’s other use as a crèche.

(Hey, what a good idea: why doesn’t someone put a nursery/crèche on the Sandpit Lane site? Oh, they have, really?)

Anyway, due to circumstances beyond Dawko’s control, Fishers were put in first. Julian and Dave opened, with Mr Tatlock sorting the first delivery. Julian weighed in with a hefty six. To be honest, it took him quite some time to get started, but his efforts were appreciated all round. Actually, I genuinely thought he nicked one, but he got away with it and was only caught out by dint of being first man in line. Julian eventually retired to cosy chair to enjoy his labours. Dave’s five was well-earned under testing cask conditions.

Those not facing hatched a plan for the World’s Best Cricketing Spreadsheet(TM). This is to be a spreadsheet to beat all spreadsheets; it will do everything but bat itself. The WBCS will have columns for:
    Runs scored by a particular bat (we agreed Bungle’s will do well here)
    Complex macro calculations to determine correlations between runs scored by an individual and the relationship with what no. they bat at.
    Helmet vs no helmet.
    Runs scored in relation to food consumed in the last 24 hours.
    Everyone’s PIN numbers.
    CO2 emissions per player.

It’s going to be great. One day.

Next up to face the music was Malc. After a long trek to the middle, Malc returned with, from memory – sorry no scorebook as I write, four. Next, never a man to shy away from such responsibilities and take one (get one) for the team, Andrew W had a brief flurry centre-stage and was, predictably, back sharpish having tried to reverse-sweep one down his own throat.

Anyway, amidst all that activity, talk amongst the closely-huddled team was of important matters: the AGM, winter nets, the forthcoming barbecue, Sunday’s game, a Thursday fixture in September and Julian’s 2011 role as Fixtures Secretary.

So, to clarify:
- the AGM will be on Thursday 25th November (oh, and while we’re doing forward dates, the Annual Dinner is booked for 19th Feb, 2011!)
- winter nets are all sorted for 2011 – the usual time at the usual place (8-9pm @ Herts Uni, Dawko)
- Sunday 22nd. Prey for sunshine or prepare to gobble sausages under Julian’s marquee….at Malc’s.
- Julian has confirmed that he can play this Sunday so we now have a full eleven.
- a final Thursday ‘fixture’ was proposed: Fishers vs St Albans Beer Festival (Alban Arena , 30th Sept)
- Clearly wishing to get in early and beat off the expected strong competition for the role, Julian has offered to take up the post of Fixtures Secretary for 2011. All those in favour say ‘Ay’. Having passed a rigorous probationary test of organising three fixtures this season (one of which we may actually even get to play at some point), we can think of no better man for the job.

Back to more important matters. Coxy stepped up fourth and edged a couple. Being something of a connoisseur (and being driven by Si), he was out for a long hop last night.

There were no champagne moments to report from events. I guess there was a (pre) ‘lager moment’ when Captain Caveman tripped down a hole getting out of his car and fell over. No YouTube footage is available, sadly.

Then, as the clouds dispersed and the picturesque Redbourn Common was bathed in late summer sunshine, we all gave up and went home.

The fixture is (hopefully) being arranged for Thurs Aug 26th. Dawko is, unfortunately, away then. I guess it was only a matter of time. I mean, as Hawaii is known world-wide as the global home of lap-dancing, it was inevitable that Dawko would end up their sometime or other on a ‘work’ trip. Those ’technical systems’ (whatever they are) certainly don’t design themselves, you know. It’s a tough trip, but someone has to go, I guess.

That hula dancing may look innocent and all ‘aloha’ and flower-leis-round-your-neck, but really it’s a mafia-run scam for the training and illegal international export of lap-dancers. I just thought I’d mention that as I know Mrs Dawko often reads these reports and I wouldn’t want her to get any seeds of doubt from less authoritative sources than the Fishers website…

St John Fisher cc V Generics cc

admin — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 11:06:58 +0000

Generics 89 for 9 off 20 overs??

SJFCC 90 for 3 off 14 overs.

Verulamium Park, Upper Pitch, July 15^th 2010. – match reporter Mr. Nurse

I mention the upper pitch specifically as I am sure that the lower one didn’t have a large hole 3 inches deep on middle stump half way down the wicket. This wouldn’t normally be a problem, but as halfway down the wicket is where Boxer puts his stock delivery, and where Bungle only seemed capable of putting his deliveries last night, the repairs effected by stand in ( and indeed stand up….but more of this later ) keeper Virji, and wily slow right arm purveyor of old shite that picks up wickets Watson, using topsoil, boulders and badger droppings was much appreciated.

Under lowering skies Bungle put the opposition in, clearly, and masochistically, relishing the idea of facing Sharma in the dark later in the evening. This decision started to look very iffy as aforementioned leader of their pace attack opened their batting and promptly slapped Dave Boxer for 9 runs in his first over. I note that the opposition scorer has named Dave in the scorebook as ‘Tall’. This is an improvement on previous entitlements that have included the affectionate ‘Miserable C***’, so to be described purely for his physical attributes rather than character was a welcome change. ‘Tall’ had the last laugh however as Sharma aimed another slap at an outrageous longhop and played on for 13. Boxer was also unfortunate not to have the other opener caught at square leg, but Nurse was busy chatting to the oppo umpire about pharmaceuticals and was halfway through a Viagra purchase before he noticed the ball. Said batsmen ( Hopely ) proved Hope-less next ball as Boxer cleaned him up for as duck finishing with 2 for 13.

This was fairly indicative of some poor early Fishers Ground fielding (haven’t I read that somewhere before?) and it took a fabulous C & B from Julian to lift the fielding malaise.

Bungle was gifted a wicket by bowling a straight ball to a batsmen who apparently hadn’t held a bat for 15 years and obligingly pushed it so wide of his pad that he was bowled not so much through the gate as up the M1 and Watson Senior had a wicket with his first ball and two in his opening over. The first was his catch from the off. Quite honestly, with Watson in full flight he didn’t even have to call for it, as only Ross would have had any idea how to get out of his way, and by bowling their star bat for 1 with a ball that had dip, turn, flight, guile and very little bounce the writing was on the wall for a low Generics total.

Simon Marriot bowled with his customary accuracy and no little turn, bamboozling not only the batsmen who struggled to lay a bat on him, but also Anil who struggled to lay a glove on him. Anil expressed a wish at the end of the game to start taking some catches for the Fishers behind the wicket; at we all wish him every success for this ambition.

Nurse, not for the first time this season, f*****d with the minds of the batsmen which can be the only explanation for his dross going for only 1 run in his first over. Perhaps they overheard him talking about the Gay Porn director he used to open the batting with. And that’s not a euphemism for anything…alright! )

89 off their 20 was never likely to be enough despite the encroaching gloom and dodgy wicket and our opening partnership was a celebration of different batting styles in pursuit of the 90 we needed to win. Watson senior hit 27 off 24 balls and Chris Ramsey hit…….well nothing really before being bowled for 1. Kingy shared the top score of 27 with Watson with some aggressive, clean hitting including a straight hit that almost went for 6 that non-striker Robin dismissed as ‘Agricultural’. Mind you he had just called Matt a ‘f*****g Muppet’ for running a quick single so by comparison I suppose ‘Agricultural’ was complimentary. Robin’s fine collection of singles shored up the middle order ( not that it needed any shoring up but he did it anyway ) and Simon Marriot’s assured 18 meant that Boxer had cart blanche to come out, and get out, with his trademark lofted drives, which he duly did. 4 and out.

Victory ( by 7 wickets ) came with 6 overs to spare and avenged an early season defeat by the same opposition.

SJFCC v Park Street Dads

admin — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 11:09:18 +0000

Park St Dads 108 for 7 off 20 overs

SJFCC 109 for 1 off 15 overs.

Thursday 24th June – Verulum School – match reporter Si

Fishers bowled first – Dave and Bungle opened up – enjoying the random high bounce of the strip whilst the fielders enjoyed/endured the random high bounce of the outfield. No wickets for the first pair although Robin did drop an easy chance at point, possibly do u to the ball traveling at MACH3.

So then more things happened a few wickets fell, a couple to Reevo and Matt, Si, Coxy all bowled OK, but by then their proper batsmen had bizarrely running himself out on the 4th run, after he smacked a cultured 25. Ross and Malc finished things off, restricting to an under-par 108 (even for the Verulum minefield).

Robin bowling a variation of the leg-spin, flippers, full-bungers, sliders, top-spin, under-spiners, googlies, chinamen, beamers, long-hops, indippers, wides, arm-ball, doosra and pie balls – collected a couple of wickets, both held by Matt at mid-wicket. It wont be noted here that Dave may have dropped a sitter, that looped so slowly that most of the team had arrived at the wicket to congratulate the bowler before it was not caught.

So at turnaround Andy W and Dawko looked to make quick work of the small total (well one of them did)

Andy W – in typical penaché slapped 6 fours in a quick fire 27, whilst the skip was playing himself in (ah the halcyon days of a dawko/magnet opening partnership, time to put your feet up for a while..) anyway next in, yours truly, determined to have a slog at everything, which sort of came off, edging 2 just shy of slip and failing to run out the skip, so 2 retired: one on 27 one on 28 and skip safely anchoring (puns pls) on 13 no as number 4 strolled in… As we watched the skip bat, things moved obviously to more cerebral matters, as in are we St. John Fisher or St. John Fishers? turns out we are singular, but in answer to who the f**k is St John Fisher anyway? question please read on here, meanwhile Dawko was in full nurdle, milking nay eeking out runs and almost carrying his bat his bat for 29 off 29 balls (16 or so off the last 5 balls..) Ross chipped in with 10 before matt (4 off 11 balls, surely a fine!?!?!?) and Robin 2no Saw us home with 5 over to spare.

Man of the match: Master Andrew Watson for his destructive hitting and tidy bowling (not that he brought me a pint had anything to do with this selection i may add)

Quote of the day: Something from Bungle about foxes and children best left ambiguous i think

SJFCC v Garden Fields

admin — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 10:54:33 +0000

SJFCC 169-5 off 20 overs.

Garden Fields 170-4 off 18.2 overs

Thursday 24th June – Verulamium – match reporter Bungle and his ghost writer

STATEMENT: There is no way we should have failed to defend 169 on that pitch.

I think it’s fair to say that most of us bowled badly. There were far too many short and wide deliveries making it impossible to field. The only time they actually looked like they had to try was when Malc first came on. His accuracy was what we needed throughout. To be fair Reevo and Nurse bowled well but by the time they came on their guys were mid rampage.

The pitch was turning anything vaguely short and quick into a tennis ball, sitting up to be hit.

Traditionally these guys are strong and we tend to be 50/50 against them but last night we started well with 101-2 after 10 overs (Coxy 32, Watson Snr 29no and Reevo a brisk 11 ball 32no), we ended up on a score which was 60 over a decent score for Verulamium.*

So Fishers posted 169 off their 20 overs.

In reply GFCC had 3 retirees get 30 or more to ease home with 10 balls to spare…

I would like to play against these guys on a Sunday at somewhere like Clarence Park, assuming we play properly it will be a good match. It would also be good to bowl at them on a proper pitch.

This season we have been very hit and miss, we’ve got a very strong side for the standard of cricket we play and for various reasons we’re losing far too many matches.

I can’t help thinking that if we played a few more Sundays we’d be able to get more consistency with both the batting and the bowling. The seasons where we’d win 95% of matches we had a strong core of us playing regular Sundays for Corridor. We’ve still got the same standard of side now as we had then (If anything it’s stronger as we have 2 guys who can properly keep wicket** as opposed to Milton who used to try hard but wasn’t a proper keeper)

* Note: Its says on the scoresheet A Virgil 26no off 16 balls – surely some mistake??

** apart from Dawko and Anil who might these be?

SJFCC v Ruislip Orientals

admin — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 08:44:29 +0000

Orientals 256 – 6 off 35 overs.

SJFCC 131 – all out off 21 overs. RO won by 125 runs.

Sunday 20th June – Rothampstead (lower pitch) – match reporter Simon

As usual the sun was shining on the fishermen as they descended towards the lower pitch at Rothampstead park. Everybody was mostly on time ready to go, fielding warms-ups completed, boots tied, dressed mostly correctly etc

But then it was discovered we only had 3 stumps in the kit bag – so Reevo was dispatched to his school to get a complete set so we could start the game, which was reduced to 35 overs (no bad thing as it turns out) – but we all blamed Anil anyway.

The ‘O’s began in a brisk manner at almost 10 runs a over for the first 3 before Dave took an astonishing Caught and bowled – diving full length, one handed, with pike and double dismount to land – the oppo even managed a ripple of applause. Good start for Fishers, and after that the ‘O’s calmed down a little, the pitch although looking the usual a-bit-shabby-unkempt-grass-patched-mown-outfield-look was actually quite good, the ball coming through nicely before it disappeared over the ropes…

Anyway 2nd change brought up Ross, who started slowly but then produced the best bowling performance of the day 3 for 39 off 7 (I was actually fielding down the slope about a mile lower than the square, so it was hard to tell what was really going on with the cricket). Reevo used all his years of experience producing a good over cleverly mixed with a crap one, which kept the run rate down a little. I was then brought on and with the end of the match looming and was dispatched to most parts of the ground (help yourself/takeaway bowling), although our skip did actually manage to catch one behind the stumps (on 2nd attempt). Watsons Snr was brought on for a quick spell on 1 over for 17 – but then rested. Vimel then came out and flayed everybody mostly over the ropes until his non-running centurion-bat-changing friend didn’t go for a run and ran him out, prompting a bit of a prams-and-toys moment as he flounced off the pitch. Their innings finished on Hardik getting a 100 with a hooked six (we wont mention him being dropped on about 30 will we dave and andrew?!)

So tea and Fishers fortified by a good tea and fine cakes we confident that on this pitch with short boundaries and a fast outfield we could get near (ish) to 256.

Things started not to well with the Skip edging one to slip – no doubt the pressure of the match or jet-lag was his undoing, Nick and Andy then steadied the ship, Nick producing two nice boundaries, until he was triggered, sorry given out LBW Mr Carpenter. Then followed a steady progression of wickets, Andrew hung around a bit until he edged a wide one. The Reevonator hit a six into the next county before going. Dave top scored with 29 taking some revenge back to the guy who had hit him for a couple of 6′s. But in the end we were well short and really needed someone in the top 4 to hang around a bit. But a good friendly game of cricket and we play the Orientals again in a months time.

Man of the match – Ross Watson for a great spell of bowling

Champagne moment – Dave for his C&B effort

SJFCC v GPD/Killigrew?

admin — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 07:44:25 +0000

GPD 104 – 7 off 20 overs. SJFCC 108 – 4 off 17.1 overs. Fishers won by 6 wickets.
13th May 2010 – Match reporter – Mr. Anil

Three years ago the mighty Fishers stunned Greenwood Park Dads (GPD) by bowling them out on their home ground for 15.

The weather on that day was hot and humid with low cloud cover. The pitch, as one would expect at Greenwood Park , was immaculate with the just faintest green top. It was a day made for bowling and having won the toss Fishers took full advantage. Anil opened the bowling. His first delivery pitched on middle and swung for a Harmison style wide. His second ball pitched a foot outside leg and swung passed the batsman’s off stump. The batsman took a wild swing and cut the ball to point where Andrew Cox took a remarkable one handed diving catch.

This was the catalyst which led to the most remarkable of collapses. Anil bagged another wicket then Simon (3), Dave (2) and Bungle (2) unleashed every weapon in their armoury to ensure that GPD were back in the hutch in no time at all. Unfortunately, the book was lost and it is not known who got the last wicket. However, all who were there are sure that it wasn’t Chris Williams.

Obviously, to expect this sort of result every week would be churlish but the point is that SJFCC had laid down their marker. They had defined the level of cricket expected from Fishermen.

Fast forward three years to 13 May 2010. This time SJFCC played host to GPD.

The signs were good. The core of the team Cox, Boxer, Marriott, Little, Herbert, Virji and King (M) were all still there. However, this time they had the genuine pace of James “don’t you ever f cking do that again” Nairne (all will be revealed in a later write up – Ed), the destructive batting of Andy Watson, the Randallesque fielding abilities of Ross Watson and Adam Pythian.

In similar fashion to three years ago Anil set the tone for SJFCC’s innings. With Dawko injured Anil took the keeping gloves. Things started well and after two overs he had conceded just the one leg bye. Unfortunately, in the third over he dropped a routine delivery off Dave and then watched as the ball rolled onto his batting helmet (which for the record he didn’t wear for the whole innings so why the f ck was it there? – Ed) for five penalty runs!

Matters got worse, Adam dropped a dolly, Coxie dived over the ball. Not to be outdone Watson dropped another dolly. It seemed with every passing over another Fisherman tried his hardest to take levels of incompetence in the field to new heights. Even Simon Marriott made a mistake. No one was immune. GPD’s took full advantage and gleefully started to build a total. Just when it looked like the good ship Fishers was steadying itself Anil dropped a sitter of Matt King.

Thankfully, in amongst this dross there were some high points. Nairne, Boxer and Little bowled well. Adam Pythian bagged his debut Fisher’s wicket and somehow Andy Watson claimed three wickets, all bowled! In the end GPD closed on 104.

The Fishers innings started poorly. Andy Watson was bowled for 6 in the third over. At the other end Coxie was doing his best to get fined for slow play. However, when Simon (26no) arrived at the crease things started to change and the pair put on 54 in 6 overs before Coxie was bowled on 23. Adam (8) announced his arrival with a thundering six off his second ball before running himself out. Ross Watson picked up the first golden duck of the season when he was bowled by “Rod” (to be fair to Ross, Rod could actually spin the ball – Ed). This brought Dave (19 no) and Anil (13 no) to the middle and they quickly set about knocking off the remaining runs to ensure a winning, albeit not convinving, start to the Fishers’ season.

Man of the match: Not sure that anyone really deserves it. It is tempting to give it to Bungle for keeping up his winning streak as captain, but the words Bungle and streak in the same sentence conjure up horrible images so it can’t be that. For a wicket on debut, two catches and making us laugh with his flamboyant style of batting it has to go to Adam Pythian.

Champagne moment: Well it can’t be the Stuart Nurse incident because that wasn’t funny. So it has to be Anil dropping the ball onto his helmet to give away the first five run penalty in Fishers’ history.

admin — Thu, 06 May 2010 13:01:12 +0000

The annual award ceremony took place at Hatfield Sports and Social Club – a special occasion, graced this year with a particularly fine cake.

Firstly the players player of the year went to Andrew Watson: I’m really blown away,” he said. “I am just surprised to be up here. It has been a great 12 months for our side. We have lost some wonderful players in recent years and we have been rebuilding with some new guys in the team and we have played together well, but in the end I was the best.”

Other awards this night included Clubman of the year (Simon Marriott) and the Ducks trophy, claimed once again by John Herbert AKA, Bungle – who has won it three time in a row now (possibly).

But the highlight of this ‘special’ event was the inauguration of two members (jokes please) into the er Fishers hall of something, as Vice Presidents, step forward Phil Milton and Paul Sands!

Darts, drinking and stalking of the quiz next door by Anil then followed.

Update May 2010

admin — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:06:18 +0000

UPDATES:

• FIXTURES 2010 now added; NOTE Washington away game now 9th May

• 2009 Awards Night extravaganza at the Hatfield Sports and Social Club this Wednesday 5th May – 8pm KO

• 1st Game (practice match, cancelled)

• Availability sheet active, goto fixtures for link

Chris Gets The Send Off He Deserves

kingy — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 18:07:29 +0000

SJFCC vs Archway Graces

Old Owens, Sunday September 6.

by Matt King

Archway Graces: 263 for 3 in 40 overs, the not-at-all-in-any-way-whatsoever-mighty Fishers: 59 all out from 20.2 overs

Hmm, where to start with this one. Ok, think positive: it didn’t rain and no-one died in a car crash on the way either to or from the ground; apart from that, it was pretty much a disaster all round. Well, I guess it was nice to see Chris again, I suppose.

We hadn’t played for 17 days so I think we could say we were lacking some match practise. Oh, and a player. Yes, and ability. More of that certainly would have come in handy.

Let’s assume we lost the toss. I mean, we lost everything else, so it’s a pretty safe bet as I’ve no idea what really happened. It was our last away game of the year and our first Sunday game for eight weeks. Spineless Dave pulled out with a bad back, but it was to be Chris’ most recent, final game ever, so what could possibly go wrong.

Things started ok: Bungle bowled one opener for 13 in the 9^th over and Harris, with a great ball, dispatched the other for 22, making Graces 53-2. Actually, Harris took the wicket with his very first ball. A terrible one. Not since Chris last claimed a scalp has such a bad ball gained a wicket. It was purely down to debutant Duncan’s great catch. Harris was merely the guy standing at the bowler’s end when the wicket was taken.

53-2 off 13 overs. Not too bad. The third dismissal was like watching proper cricket. A swinging ball from Bungle was snicked to Dawko who took a clean catch behind the stumps. The third wicket fell at 237 (for those of you watching in black and white, that’s two hundred and thirty seven) in the 37^th over. The guy had got 140. It was a long afternoon in the field. The century maker had just got his hundred and then, after a couple of overs from Chris, he was dismissed on 140. These things happen. Only ever to people we play against, mind.

Anyway, we all bowled, but the variety didn’t help; it just shared the burden around. Duncan deserved a wicket and Mr. Flintoff bowled fairly tidily, but we never had them in any real danger. To be honest, we weren’t even threatening them with mild peril. Last year’s equivalent fixture had been rained off. No such luck this time around.

The fielding highlights were Nursey’s triple salko (with tuck) at deep extra cover and Mount Watson’s ball retrieval techniques off Chris’s bowling. He sheds blood for the team that man (Andrew, not Chris, obviously).

Ok, to the batting then. Suffice to say that Paul top-scored with 15, Duncan was second with 10 and then it was a sorry tale of single figure scores topped off with three ducks (including a golden one for Bungle).

Their fourth bowler took a double-wicket maiden in his first over and was then taken off. Clearly he was performing below par. Loopy Hooper wanted to get amongst the wickets, apparently nearing his career three hundred (some 286 being versus Fishers). We’d forgotten to warn Stuart about this unorthodox bowling technique and, predictably, he mis-timed a shot and lobbed a catch to a grateful fielder. We’ve all been there.

Our score of 59 was the lowest Sunday total we’ve reached since WWII.

Man of the Match: The contenders are Dave, Si and Walmsleyeyey for having the forethought to keep out of the way for this match. It’s hard to award a MoM when we so failed to even make a match of it, but Duncan serves the accolade for a good all-round performance.

Quotes Of The Day:

Harris: “Yeah, I don’t look 17 stone.”
Bungle: (sincerely) “Yeah, you’re broad enough to pull it off.”

Bungle: “Milton was the first cricketer I ever saw in the showers. I went in and this thing was just sticking out at me.” (Belly, he meant a belly).

Harris: “What we mustn’t do now is lose another wicke….” (just as Bungle was bowled for a golden duck)

Magnet: “Hey boys. Like the new threads, isn’t it. I’m the only gay (in brown) in the village, see.”

The Little White Ball

kingy — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 11:50:38 +0000

SJFCC vs Jack of Diamonds

Clarence Park, Thursday August 20.

by Matt King

The mighty Fishers: 170 for 5 from 20 overs, Jack of Diamonds: 118 for 8 in 20 overs.

The mid-week season came to a close with Fishers’ inaugural day/night game, played under headlights at Clarence Park. With rain having postponed the fixture vs JoD from July, it was to be our first late-August evening game since records began. Or something.

Dawko lost the toss, which saved him from the difficult decision of choosing between whether to bat in the dark or field in the dark. Anyway, he had other things on his mind to worry about: how was Helen getting on lifting all those heavy boxes around in preparation for their house move the following day? What was she cooking him for dinner that night? Had she ironed the right shirt for the next day (he’d want to make a good impression with the new neighbours)? And, most importantly of all, had she remembered not to pack his slippers as he’d want them left in the usual place by the front door when he got home from a hard evening’s cricket? With his mind on such important matters, it was fortunate that he’d lost the toss.

Dame Nurse and Titfer Tatlock opened the batting for Fishers. It was a steady start, but too steady for the likings of those further down the order who were itching to bat, especially Boxer and Harris who were relegated to bat at 10 and 11 respectively having blatantly disobeyed Club Orders to be ready and changed for a 6PM start. (I can’t comment further here for legal reasons as a disciplinary inquiry is pending).

With the intention that everyone should get a bat in the last twenty over game of the year, we’d decided upon a self-imposed ‘retire at 20’ rule. An additional ‘five dot balls in a row and you’re out’ approach was mooted, but Dawko was concerned that that would undermine his whole batting ethos.

Julian and Stuart were both out on 12. Andy Watson wasn’t at the crease for long and managed a (now customary) reverse sweep on his way to retiring on 22. Dawko, after a (always customary) slow start involving only dot balls or singles for his first 11 balls faced, built to a crescendo and hit four boundaries on his way to retiring on 24.

King and Virji were both out cheaply in the same over. Reevo faced only ten balls on his way to retiring on 26. Given that four of those were dot balls, the mathematically adept amongst you (so that’s just Reevo then) will calculate that the potential options for his scoring pattern to reach 26 off 6 balls can be found through the formula ( 6 factorial minus 4 factorial, divided by Bungle). Anyway, it included an enormous 6 which was merely clipped to square leg and various boundaries to cow corner. The oppo put extra fielders in place to guard the led-side boundary, but Reevo just powered through them.

Bungle was out for 3 and then the steadying influence of Bob was joined at the crease by 6.05 Boxer and they steered Fishers to an extremely healthy 170, scoring 17 and 18 not out respectively.

Having had the forethought not to expend too much energy batting, Bungle and King opened the bowling for Fishers. Their plan paid off: Bungle dismissed one opener and King took two wickets in his second over, bowling both his best and worst balls of the season in succession.

Confusing the batsman with a rare non-no ball, Dave took a proper cricketing wicket when the ball was edged to wicket-keeper Dawko. Bob, Harris and Reevo all took one apiece, too. The greatest cheer was reserved for Nursey (‘oh, yes it was”) who took his first ever wicket for Fishers. Two balls earlier, Julian had done his utmost prevent the duck being broken by theatrically diving and fumbling a catch that would have gone straight to him at third slip had he just stood still. Instead, it fell (or not, more accurately) to another slip (Harris?) to take the catch that made Stuart a happy man.

Dawko took a neat stumping off Harris, but I can’t detail the other wickets as I’ve only got the abridged scorecard. Someone probably took a great catch or ripped out all three stumps or something.

During the course of the innings we switched to a white ball. The light was fading when we started and, unsurprisingly, it got progressively darker. The white ball helped; it made it easier for the batsman to hit and it made it easier for the six slips to watch as the three out-fielders scampered all over Clarence Park to retrieve it. The white ball was great except when, earlier on, once the sun had just set, it went up into the still-white sky; it was like trying to catch a bit of cloud.

It was a good performance to finish the mid-week season on. Everyone made a contribution in one form or another: Dave, Bob, Reevo, Andrew, Dawko and Julian all made runs; Bungle, Matt, Stuart and Harris got amongst the wickets; and Anil bought the white ball.

Man of the Match:

Lots of contenders here. To be honest, it could have been anyone (except Anil). If Julian had caught the ball, it could have been Stuart; if others hadn’t also retired and got one wicket, it could have been Reevo or Andy W (or Bob or Dave); if he’d not been dumped unceremoniously from the squad, it could have been Keith; if he’d got some runs or a wicket or, even, just a catch, it could have been Anil, but with 24no (including 18 from the last six balls), a catch, a stumping, two whacks in the face (one during the game and one before it for playing the night before moving house) and an impressive first season as skipper, it goes to Dawko.

Quotes Of The Day:

Andrew Watson: (whilst waiting to bat) “If I reserve sweep for 6, do I get two?”

Harris: (whilst trying to calculate if there was still any lingering chance of him getting in to bat) “Who’s on what?”
Phil: “Well, Sandsy’s on heroin and I’m on crack.”

Anil; “I’ll need to put my suit back on so my wife thinks I’ve been working late, not playing cricket.”

Dawko: “The beef Wellington had better not be over-cooked when I get home or I’m going to be pretty angry.”