Tour Report Summary – including Matches
Pressure began to build on the Mighty Fishers immediately, following the early disgrace of Tour Manager Dave Hoskins.
Attempting to lead from the front, he failed even to unlock his own hotel room before spewing-up into a convenient waste-paper basket.
Insult was added to injury when The Establishment slapped a £168 fine on his sorry arse – eased a little by a lot of ‘there-but-for-the-grace-of-
No such drinking worries troubled Watson who, turbo-charged by specialist springbok lube-gel , was already several Jagermeisters to the good before the tour officially started.
Operating like a coke-pusher from the back of Bungle’s black limo in Macdonald’s carpark, he soon managed to lure others including Dave Summers, Matt Gold and Ian Hazon into his depraved web.
Arriving south of Bath bright-eyed and bushy tailed for the first game, Fishers were in for their first shock.
Local rules meant that if a one-eyed butcher was playing then you couldn’t start until 5:30 so our glorious heroes were forced to drink more beer to fill the time.
Fortunately, that didn’t prove to be a handicap since a heavily rain affected game had to be abandoned after half-an-hour.
Still time for Tom not to take a wicket, and for Summers – now on fire – to attempt a spectacular sliding boundary save without spilling a drop of his precious Corona. Maximum kudos.
The highlight was probably Ranga ‘Tindulka’ Nasho hot-wiring the Oppo’ captain’s 4×4 Pimpmobile, and pulling hand break turns in the outfield.
Meanwhile, Oli had arrived thinking that we were going to Henley Regatta sporting a blazer that despite mocking, Nursey clearly coveted. Methinks he doth protest too much.
So the pressure was on to deliver something real and good as we made the short seventeen hour trip across rural Britain to the Blue Ribbon event at Hoskins’ old school.
Walmsleyey, with a chip on his shoulder the size of a thrice cooked gourmet offering, parked his middle-aged-crisis-mobile oik-style on the boundary,
probably trying to make an obscure point about his comprehensive school education being as good as any pay-school. Which it wasn’t.
Finally, in near-perfect conditions on a billiard table ground with a beautifully prepared wicket Fishers got down seriously to what they do best.
Running-off their hangovers, and taking the piss out of each other some cricket was actually played.
And it was good! Shading a game by the odd run of 343 in a 25 over game [see scorecard for details] Fishers were victorious and skipper Hoskins’ rehabilitation complete.
Steady bowling against top-class batting held the home-side to a challenging 7 an over target, but a Fierce 50 from Watson made the difference.
Walmsley somehow swindled his way into man-of-the-match despite two huge sixes off him luckily being slowed by the wind resulting in brilliant boundary catches by Gold and Summers.
Next day it looked hopeless as gun-metal skies and relentless rain were the spectators for the annual Fishers/Nursey pub quiz (won thanks to Michael Jackson by Team Number One) on the morning of the match.
But by some miracle there was another 25 over game, and by some further miracle Fishers again triumphed – with another clattering knock from Watson, and a good Tavaré (Chris) impression from Oli.
All-in-all, a damn-fine tour, with honour satisfied and everyone happy to hold their heads up as Proud Fishers. Tom even took a wicket or two – although the lawmakers and statisticians are still disputing them.
Gold definitely dropped several absolute sitters.
Copyright, Josh Rogan.