2004-07-15. Win By Dave Boxer

I thought I’d write the report this evening for 3 reasons:

1. It was a great game and there’s loads to write about.

2. It’s still fresh in my mind, and

3. I may not be able to fit it into my hectic schedule of bullsh***ing tomorrow at work!


So, what a game eh? Full of incidents – big sixes and cracking wickets.

Since Stags Dads only had 8 at the time and since I would have elected to field anyway, myself and the oppo skipper decided it would be best if they had a bat first. Roll them over quickly and get in the bar ASAP was my plan.

Oh dear, it went a bit Pete Tong.


Their opener picked today to show off the fact that he could hit across the line with the best of them, and tonked 45 not out spread over two spells of batting. Despite the best efforts of Bungle, Gursh and Jim-Bob, he kept on hooking and sweeping 6s all over the shop, off some pretty quick bowling, so fair play to him.


Our first wicket came with 50-odd on the board, when Bob, despite suffering a pulled hamstring, had their other opener caught behind by Mr. Pat Sylvester, who later dissapeared more quickly and quietly than a fart in the wind, but more about that later.


Their no. 3 made a decent 25 not out, before the legend that is John King took a wicket on his much-awaited comeback, with an absolutely rubbish ball that was hit to Ethan who took a fantastic diving catch low to his left.

Kingy was swinging the ball all over the place, partly due to the overhead cloud cover but mainly due to his elbow having hyper-extension after the docs had finished buggering around with his tendons!


After their no. 5 (former Wheathampstead player) came in and hit a very solid 25 not out, Boxer bowled the no. 6 for 1. Edwards then took a wicket, bowled, with his first ball and followed it up 3 balls later with another thanks to a good running catch from Tiger Tony Grant. Unfortunately, this brought their opener back to the crease, and he proceeded to tonk another couple of 6s off Ethan, who bowled very well and didn’t deserve some of the treatment his final over received. Their final score was 135 for 5 off 20 overs.


Realising the need to get early runs on the board, I decided to put our biggest lump into bat first – well, that isn’t strictly true because that would mean that Pat would have opened and that would have just been ludicrous, so I opted for our second largest doughnut-eater, Bungle. What a decision! The Human Cheeseburger proceeded to twat 40 not out off about 6 overs, hitting a staggering four 6s on the trot, including one that sailed over the road and another that almost decapitated a small child on the boundary. I would use the old addage that he was seeing it like a football, but that would be misleading, as everybody knows he’s blind as a bloody badger! I reckon we should discourage him from getting contacts because it’ll probably ruin his form – if he was actually able to see the ball he probably wouldn’t be able to hit a cow’s arse with a banjo.


Anyway, Bungle was ably supported by Jimmy, who batted very nicely before holing out to mid-on for 16. Kingy then strode out to the crease, determined to take full advantage of his newly-straightened elbow to play straight shots. Unfortunately, after a couple of cheeky glances, he was bowled for 10. After Bungle retired in glory, Ant and I occupied the crease, charged with keeping the run-rate going. I’d say we did a grand job, nicking several quick singles and twos, and tonking some 4s along the way for good measure.

Boxer retired 27 not out, largely thanks to his recognition that hitting the ball at Jimmy, who was fielding for the oppo, virtually guaranteed a 4! One fliddy piece of fielding in particular was highly amusing.


Ant then got out for 20 to a 3-year old boy’s first ball, leaving the task of seeing us home to Jules, Ethan and Gursh. Jules was looking good until she was caught for 1, and Ethan unfortunately also got out cheaply, but the winning post was still well within sight. It was left for Gursh and Mark to guide us home, which they did, thanks to some 4s and a lovely 6 from Mark and some cheeky singles by Gursh. We surpassed their total, losing 5 wickets, with 3.5 overs to spare.



So, that’s it ladies and gents. A great game, a suberb run-chase, and a good laugh had by all.




Worst attempt at a run-out: Mark’s miss from 0.25 inches away from the stumps.


Best worst catch: Ant’s running catch that brought their best batsman back to the crease.


Quote of the match: ‘Why have you given us that complete muppet to field for us?!’ – said of Jimmy by the oppo, well done son.


Cake of the day: the strawberry flan.


And finally, man of the match: several contenders today – I thought Kingy bowled and batted very well considering he hasn’t played for a year, Ant also bowled very tightly and hit a good knock, Gursh had a nice spell with the ball, Ethan bowled extremely consistently and fielded well, taking the catch of the day and Mark took two wickets and carried his bat at the end for an unbeaten 20. But, just for sheer tonkage and Flintoff-style entertainment with the bat, consisting of five massive 6s, the man of the match has to go to Bungle. Well done mate.


That’s all folks. I’ll be in touch about the next game soon and I’ll see some of you on Sunday, weather-permitting.


Cheers and well done,