‘Bambi and Robin; A dark night rises’

The final game of  a three match rubber standing one game all was eagerly anticipated by all concerned… apart from the two Mylan players who didn’t make themselves available meaning that Fishers own talent pool was raided to make up the numbers; well we gave them Ramsey and Smith anyway.  In a summer full of  cinematic blockbusters including ‘The Dark Night Rises’, the selection policy here meant it was very much a game about ‘Bambi and Robin’.

‘Commissioner’ Virji arrived a little late having followed most of the 8000 miles of the Olympic Torch relay route in trying to find the ground, and only actually found it after the Bat -Signal was deployed over the M25 to guide him in. Once there he promptly lost the toss and Fishers were batting in the evening sunshine.

Bolstered with confidence at the return of  ‘The Pinch-hitter’ Dawko at the top of the order, Fishers embarked upon their campaign to save the trophy from the dark forces pitted against them.. The day after Scott Styris had put Gloucestershire to the sword with a 37 ball ton in the same format of the game, The Pinch-Hitter showed the Sussex faithful what they’d been missing with the following score sheet: *******1***********.

To be fair to The Pinch-Hitter, he did up his rate towards the end and retired with a respectab…no fuck it, it was too slow and the fact that we finished the 20 overs with only 94 off the bat with 5 batsmen unused perhaps shows that we need to think a bit more strategically about our innings.

The pitch was, however, low and slow.  Even ’The Fat Springbok’ Watson who looked like the Cheshire Cat-Woman as Bambi was offered up by the Mylan Captain as a sacrifice, had the smile wiped off his face as Bambi restricted him to couple of singles and gave him a bruise over his utility belt to remind him of the humiliation, before spoiling his good work with a full bunger which The Fat Springbok deposited over the trees…though at least this year not into the road or the Bat-mobile windscreen.

Bambi also had the rare pleasure of a Fishers wicket, bowling ‘King Tut ‘Kingy after a typically sprightly and energetic innings of 15 during which he partnered the unusually sprightly Bob ‘Alfred’ Little who biffed and scampered  to 8 off 9 before being controversially given out C & B by Brown. Well, controversially as far as Alfred  was concerned anyway.

All through this, Graham ’The Bookworm’ Booth busied himself in the study of the art of batsmanship, accumulating 27 orthodoxly stylish runs.

Fishers were fortunate that Mylan were profligate with their bowling and 32 of our total of 126 was made up of extras, 28 of which were wides.

Ross ‘The Archer’ Watson will be wearing the Ducks cap next week.

Mylan played their Joker by sending Robin in to face arch villain The Boxer. The ensuing couple of overs did not follow the expected script as Robin  threw caution, diplomacy and his tights to the wind and wound up not just a couple of decent drives ( how come he never bats like that for us! ) but also the bowler, the keeper ( the Pinch-hitter metamorphosing into the Pinch-dropper for a while ) and Commissioner Virji with his pithy chat. He was probably lucky that the pitch was placid  as The Boxer is not someone to upset on a hard deck, but he rode his luck until The Boxer hit the top of his stumps for 10 to bring an end to a frenetic and tense couple of overs.

The Boxer then dismissed Bambi for a 2^nd ball duck as he played expansively to the offside. Chris really would benefit from learning  to drive…he could score more runs….and get himself to the fucking ground.

Meanwhile at the other end, Mylan had no answer for the Riddler James Nairne  who made a welcome return; steaming in on knees that even Bob Willis would send back to the Bat-cave for refurbishment , and taking 3 for 8 off his 3 overs including a double wicket Maiden. On a hat trick at one point, it was a remarkable return particularly given the knees that kept him out for all of last year are no better; He’s just decided to fuck it and live with the pain. Hurrah for the Riddler say we all!

‘Ma Parker‘ Nursey  dismissed Keith off his pads, and ‘Mr Freeze’ Bungle froze out a wicket  to leave Mylan reeling at about 30 for 5, Alfred pitched in with an important wicket, bowling Wilson for 1 as he took a liberty playing across the line, but in a fielding display not often seen in this team, the highlights were two run-outs effected by The Boxer and The Riddler. The Boxer, with just one stump to aim at from square leg, accounted for Imran before he had got started, and then the Riddler fired one in from deep fine leg, glancing the top of the bail on the full to get rid of the dangerous Raj Sharma, reminding us of one of the Riddlers most celebrated riddles which went something like ‘ wanker my arm  them teach to take on the ’.

Alfred later commented that these precision run-outs were a bit flukey, Ma Parker countering that they were in fact the culmination of years of practise. We’ll be starting again from scratch against Vocalink next week no doubt.

There was just far too much for Mylan to do after that, though they had a go by laying into some disgusting filth served up by The Archer in his first over but Commissioner Virji kept faith with him rather than bowl himself, which was the obvious alternative, and was rewarded by the Archer adjusting his length and getting closer to the target if not actually hitting it.

Commissioner Virji made mercenary and unselfish use of our strongest bowling attack bringing back The Riddler in the gloaming to polish off the final wicket and the trophy was won by 35 runs.

Bambi joined us for the team photo to show off his new duck hood and C&A cape which he’ll be wearing in the sequel: ‘Bambi and Robin 2: The Joker’s on you.’