Fishers cruise to victory in season opener

May 2nd  2013, VERULAMIUM

by The Mid-Week-Captain

SDWP: 92 for 7 off 20, Fishers: 93 for 2 off 14 – scorecard here

Match report hastily prepared by Anil (one week after the match and 24 hours after Reevo and Bob prepared their reports for the second game of the season). This time last year England was in the midst of a deluge of Biblical proportions (see here). In fact the weather was so severe that Watson had begun to gather two of every species. However, it later transpired, at the end of season BBQ, that this act was not some philanthropic gesture to save the planet but purely to satisfy his curiosity that not everything, “tasted like chicken”.Given last year’s weather it came as a pleasant surprise to the Fishers XI, when they arrived at Verulanium, for the seasons opener that the sky was a beautiful blue and there wasn’t a cloud in sight.

Sad Dads won the toss and elected to bat.

Things started well for Fishers with Dave Hughes bowling a maiden over and Bob Little bowling a tight line for which he was rewarded with a wicket.

These early wickets didn’t seem to worry Sad Dads. In fact the batsmen at the crease were positively cock-a-hoop to be out there, especially when Stuart Nurse stepped up to bowl. One member of the Dads’ team was heard saying, “Oh good here come the runs. He is their worst bowler”. They weren’t saying that two overs, four runs and one wicket (thanks to the most languorous catch by Hazon) later!

The cheers that (erroneously) greeted Nursey as he came on to bowl were nothing compared to the screams that acknowledged the arrival of Fishers’ debutant Ranga. Official sources say that there were 1,000 women gathered on the boundary hoping to catch a glimpse of the man they call the Harry Styles of Swindon. However, those who were there put the number at nearly 6,000. What was not in dispute, however, was that his attendance caused a stampede and meant the match had to be delayed for 15 minutes whilst riot police restored order.

Ranga lived up to the hype bowling with pace and venom and was rewarded when Anil snaffled a sharp catch behind the stumps.

With four men down Sad Dads sparked a mini revival putting first Hazon and then Bambi to the sword. However, the South African Family Watson soon put paid to any thoughts of a big score picking up a wicket each, including danger man Richard and current Fishers/Sad Dads/Stags/Crabtree/Manland/PSD(delete as appropriate) member Nigel Minchin. Richard made a splendid 28, but it could have been much less as he walked on 14 believing himself caught behind thanks to a stupendous catch by Anil. Alas for Fishers his inside edge had bumped before Anil kicked it into his left glove and so he was called back to continue his innings.

Two sharp run outs by Watson (A)/Anil and Anil/Boxer meant that Sad Dads finished on 92 for 7.


Fishers’ innings started slowly, very slowly, Hughes was batting.

Hazon was bowled by a ripper from Tim. However, the game was effectively over when Bungle came to the crease in the 12th over as Watson (31no) and Anil (20) had already done enough damage to see Fishers through.


[box type=”info”] Man of the match: Ranga[/box]

Quotes of the day:

Nursey: I’ll give them worst fcking bowler.

Ranga (appealing for calm): Ladies, don’t worry there is plenty of the Ranga to go around.

Boxer (looking at Ranga’s phonebook): Man, you know all these women?

Ranga (down the pub a few pints worse for wear): What can I say? I get drunk *** **** ***** ** **!