Game of two halves

SJFCC  V Highgate Irregulars –  16th June 2013 – Match report Simon Cowell

Fishers 140 all out and HI 141 for 0 in 27 overs… Scorecard here

“What do you want to do on father’s day?” I was asked by my wife.

“Play cricket of course.” was my reply.

“Who are you playing?” she asked.

“Highgate Irregulars” I told her.

“Sounds like they need more roughage in their diet.” was her remark as I left to pick up only

one of the usual lift shares.


The last time we had ventured to a game (different team, different venue ) inside the M25 we had been greeted by the sounds of semi-automatic gunfire, police sirens and the worst cricket tea in history. What awaited us, only time would tell.

We arrived somewhere in the deepest and greenest south, on time, and with the 11 players. A promising start. At this point the opposition got out the biggest chain and padlock in history and locked the front gates. When they announced there was a bar on site we were less worried as we were now in a lock-in. They were not about to keep us locked in the dungeon dressed in gimp suits. Bungle looked a bit disappointed to not be forced to wear the gimp suit. Sadly they locked the gates too early and their eleventh man was locked out. Harsh but fair.

Bungle went out for the toss and then with the opposition captain to see who would bat first. He lost. We were to bat first on a green pitch that had been freshened up by rain. The format of this game was a time limited game where in theory we could declare at any point and make the opposition bat to force the win. A concept hard to grasp to everyone in the team but what was clear was that we could bat a slowly as we wanted. This was a day we needed Keith, he could have batted all day and ended up on 25 not out. Instead we had Dawko to fill that role.   Robin opened the umpiring sporting the bright yellow duck’s cap complete with the duck on top. This is awarded to the last person who scored a duck in the club. This had only just been awarded on count back as Dave Summers had been out for a duck three balls earlier. Sadly Robin was the only umpire until Bambi trotted out 5 minutes later. Game on.

Dawko proceed to hit a 16 ball duck and when he later came back out to umpire he indicated with his fingers that he intended to keep it for another 4 games, or at least that is what I think that gesture means. Walmsley opened with Dawko but only after he was forced to pay his outstanding match fees upfront. Walmsley punished the bad balls well and he even punished one of the bad balls with his big toe.

Enter the hero of hard hitting for Fishers – Andrew Watson. Like a hero of Homerian epics he smites to all areas of the ground including over the keepers head. Sadly he is built more like Homer Simpson than a character from the Iliad. It is up to the umpires to bring him back to earth. Last week he was given out to a full toss that to mere mortals would have been given as a no ball but as he has no waist the no ball rule for over waist height cannot be given. This week he believed that he was 7 feet tall and not the much shorter person that he is and was given out LBW to a ball that would have hit the top of off. During his stay at the crease he was recognised as the business man that he is. The opening fast bowler called Andy a “Fat Cat” after having been dismissed for a 6 over long on; or at least I think he said “Fat Cat”.

Fishers faltered after Watson was out for a sub-par 138 on the stroke of tea. Tea was the highlight of the day, a fantastic spread including scones with clotted cream and a Father’s day cake. I ate too much.

We emerged from the pavilion into bright sunshine the pitch had dried out. This was going to be a hard afternoons graft. Sadly Fishers toiled in the sun and the luck was not with us in the easier batting conditions; some wild swing and misses by the batsmen did not yield a wicket. Now Bungle is a cannie captain and when he sees a hard day’s work ahead he took himself off after four overs to blood the other bowlers and protect his average. In the end Bungle turned to Bambi “I’ve started so I’ll finish” Bambison. At this point Bambi troubled the scorers; he bowled more wides in the over than it was possible to put into wides box of the score book. Then at long last Bungle turned to spin on the green pitch. Sadly the spin was classed by the batsmen as being “It’s slower than it looks” but a slow and low off delivery came close to dislodging a bail if it had been a just bit straighter and bit faster to have enough energy to knock the bail off.

So in summary, nice tea, nice ground and we got the worst of the conditions. Dawko now has the Duck’s cap.

NOTE: Nigel also bowled his 2nd and 3rd wides since c.1973…

[box type=”info”] Man of the Match: “The tea lady”[/box]

ducks gallery updated aswell