The Cricketers at The Cricketers

SJFCC vs Redbourn CC

Redbourn Common, Thurs 12th August 2010

by Matt King

With the previous attempt at Fishers’ inaugural match against Redbourn postponed due to rain, there was absolutely no way whatsoever that the weather was going to defeat us this time around. A strong side had been selected by Cap’n Dawko for what we all knew would be a real test of our ability.

With Bungle being a last-minute no-show, ten-man Fishers congregated early at Redbourn Common with high hopes for the best match of the season, bar-none. On arrival, we noted the particularly height-challenged appearance of those already gathered at the club-house and our hopes were elevated. We soon realised, however, that these were not minor-counties players, but minor-counters (and spellers, and sand-castle builders) who were leaving after a day at the club-house’s other use as a crèche.

(Hey, what a good idea: why doesn’t someone put a nursery/crèche on the Sandpit Lane site? Oh, they have, really?)

Anyway, due to circumstances beyond Dawko’s control, Fishers were put in first. Julian and Dave opened, with Mr Tatlock sorting the first delivery. Julian weighed in with a hefty six. To be honest, it took him quite some time to get started, but his efforts were appreciated all round. Actually, I genuinely thought he nicked one, but he got away with it and was only caught out by dint of being first man in line. Julian eventually retired to cosy chair to enjoy his labours. Dave’s five was well-earned under testing cask conditions.

Those not facing hatched a plan for the World’s Best Cricketing Spreadsheet(TM). This is to be a spreadsheet to beat all spreadsheets; it will do everything but bat itself. The WBCS will have columns for:
Runs scored by a particular bat (we agreed Bungle’s will do well here)
Complex macro calculations to determine correlations between runs scored by an individual and the relationship with what no. they bat at.
Helmet vs no helmet.
Runs scored in relation to food consumed in the last 24 hours.
Everyone’s PIN numbers.
CO2 emissions per player.

It’s going to be great. One day.

Next up to face the music was Malc. After a long trek to the middle, Malc returned with, from memory – sorry no scorebook as I write, four. Next, never a man to shy away from such responsibilities and take one (get one) for the team, Andrew W had a brief flurry centre-stage and was, predictably, back sharpish having tried to reverse-sweep one down his own throat.

Anyway, amidst all that activity, talk amongst the closely-huddled team was of important matters: the AGM, winter nets, the forthcoming barbecue, Sunday’s game, a Thursday fixture in September and Julian’s 2011 role as Fixtures Secretary.

So, to clarify:
– the AGM will be on Thursday 25th November (oh, and while we’re doing forward dates, the Annual Dinner is booked for 19th Feb, 2011!)
– winter nets are all sorted for 2011 – the usual time at the usual place (8-9pm @ Herts Uni, Dawko)
– Sunday 22nd. Prey for sunshine or prepare to gobble sausages under Julian’s marquee….at Malc’s.
– Julian has confirmed that he can play this Sunday so we now have a full eleven.
– a final Thursday ‘fixture’ was proposed: Fishers vs St Albans Beer Festival (Alban Arena , 30th Sept)
– Clearly wishing to get in early and beat off the expected strong competition for the role, Julian has offered to take up the post of Fixtures Secretary for 2011. All those in favour say ‘Ay’. Having passed a rigorous probationary test of organising three fixtures this season (one of which we may actually even get to play at some point), we can think of no better man for the job.

Back to more important matters. Coxy stepped up fourth and edged a couple. Being something of a connoisseur (and being driven by Si), he was out for a long hop last night.

There were no champagne moments to report from events. I guess there was a (pre) ‘lager moment’ when Captain Caveman tripped down a hole getting out of his car and fell over. No YouTube footage is available, sadly.

Then, as the clouds dispersed and the picturesque Redbourn Common was bathed in late summer sunshine, we all gave up and went home.

The fixture is (hopefully) being arranged for Thurs Aug 26th. Dawko is, unfortunately, away then. I guess it was only a matter of time. I mean, as Hawaii is known world-wide as the global home of lap-dancing, it was inevitable that Dawko would end up their sometime or other on a ‘work’ trip. Those ‘technical systems’ (whatever they are) certainly don’t design themselves, you know. It’s a tough trip, but someone has to go, I guess.

That hula dancing may look innocent and all ‘aloha’ and flower-leis-round-your-neck, but really it’s a mafia-run scam for the training and illegal international export of lap-dancers. I just thought I’d mention that as I know Mrs Dawko often reads these reports and I wouldn’t want her to get any seeds of doubt from less authoritative sources than the Fishers website…