SJFCC vs The Washington
2004-07-25. Win By Dave Boxer
Hi boys and girls (Jules and Nick),
Here’s the match report for yesterday’s game. First up, the vital statistics: The Mighty Mighty Fishers, 214 for 6 from 35 overs; The Washington, 198 all out from 34.3 overs.
Having lost the toss as bloody usual, Christie informed us that we were being put into bat. We opened with a beautifully contrasting partnership, with the stocky little bulldog with a face like a smacked arse Harris at one end and the tall pretty boy Perchard at the other.
Harris showed his intentions by knocking four 4s in the first couple of overs, displaying textbook use of the outside edge and an uncanny ability to pick out the most uncordinated man in the field who’d struggle to catch a cold.
However, having struck a tasty 22 off just 14 balls, the fat hairy one succumbed to a peach of an inswinger which ripped out his leg stump quicker than you can say Heather Mills.
Perchard remained, defiantly fending off ball after ball with an exilarating flurry of forward defensive shots that would have made our mate Pat proud, had he been there rather than stuck at home with his trout of a wife.
In came Bungle, looking confident he could carry on his blistering form of late. However, after adding just one run to the board, he middled a pull shot that unfortunately went straight to midwicket. Sandip was next in, and his innings was the turning point. A cracking knock of 69 (make up your own gags here) included 12 fours, before he was eventually bowled. By this time, Nick had tickled one to the keeper for 22, but his innings proved to be a good steadying influence on the side and provided us with a solid start.
Philips continued the good batting. After taking a few overs to get into his stride, he began to wield his bat, using those legendary strong wrists, built up over years of tireless Dutch DVD-watching. The highlight of his innings was two massive straight sixes.
After Sandip was out, Boxer was next in line. Despite knocking a couple of nice fours however, he changed his mind half way through his next shot and ended up playing onto his own wicket – what a dickhead.
The innings was completed by Bob, with a useful 6 before being brilliantly caught at gully, and Tiger Tony Grant, who almost collapsed after running 10 runs off about 4 balls.
After a wholesome tea that consisted of sausage rolls and biscuits, Fishers took to the field. Opening up with John Lee at one end and the silver fox Martin at the other, we made a reasonable if not inspired start. John bowled well and was unlcuky not to take a wicket, but Martin made the first breakthrough, trapping the opener (my uni lecturer) LBW for 2.
Boxer came on first change but was tired after running round the leg side boundary when Mart was bowling, and his own bowling suffered as a result (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!) His first two overs were dire, as ball after ball sailed down leg side into the outstretched pigmy arms of the diving Mao behind the sticks. Sandsip showed Boxer how it’s done, with a very tight spell of consistent bowling which almost took the outside edge more times than I can remember.
The match took a turn for the worse when Sandeep had their other opener caught by Boxer at short fine leg off a mistimed sweep shot. Instead of admitting his mistake, however, the git didn’t walk, causing a bit of a ruck between Chris, Andy and the other batsman. I haven’t seen Chris so irrate since he got back from Blockbuster Video only to find that he’d rented the original Saving Private Ryan and not Shaving Ryan’s Privates as he had intended.
Anyway, after a few words had been exchanged and tempers had cooled a touch, Boxer finally bowled a half decent ball that got big on the batsman, forcing him to fend it off high into the air. Out of nowhere came Ant, scampering even quicker than he had when first told by his Mrs. that he’d got her up the stick. Diving like a swallow (oh er) he took a great catch inches from the ground.
Sandsy then took over from Sandeep and again showed that there’s life in the old dog yet. He ended with figures of 5 overs, 3 for 20, which included (I think, Ant didn’t write it down) two catches and a stumping by the ever opportunist Harris. Sandsy’s partnership with Christie was the turning point, as Christie, still riled from the batsman’s decision not to walk, vented his anger with the ball. He ripped out the stumps of 3 successive batsmen with an awesome display of fast bowling which was pretty much unplayable, tearing the heart out of their batting line-up.
Wickets followed from Little, well caught by Mao, and two from Pugwash Perchard at the end, one stumped off a wide and one that tore out two stumps comprehensively. Bungle also contributed 2 very decent overs and was unlucky not to take a wicket, and Ant, well, Ant bowled as well!
The most satisfying wicket was of course the cheating bastman though, who lobbed another top edge, off Sandsy’s bowling, to Ant at gully. After asking the bastman, ‘was that one out?’, Ant got a short, sharp reply, along the lines of ‘shut the f*** up smartarse’, which, needless to say, amused all.
So, all in all, a good, closely fought game, marred only by some less than honest behaviour and some unwisely chosen and unnecessary words by one member of our side.
Quote of the day: the first time it’s gone to a member of the opposition, it has to be the departing batsman’s comments to Ant.
Catch of the day: Ant’s diving effort off Boxer’s bowling.
Shot of the day: Christie’s second six.
Cake of the day: the lemon bakewell, handmade by Mr. Kipling.
Man of the Match: Good displays by Harris (22 runs and an excellent display behind the stumps), Sandsy with ball, Perchard (steady knock and 2 wickets) and Grant with the bat, but it was really a two-horse race between Christie and Sandip. As Chris was captain, he couldn’t give it to himself (and God knows he’s tried that at home enough times with a large jar of KY jelly), so Sandip deservedly gets the award for a quite superb 69 with the bat and an excellent spell of bowling.
Cheers and well played all,