SJFCC vs Abdul Aziz

SJFCC vs Abdul Aziz
2004-08-01. Win By Dave Boxer

By popular demand, here’s the match report for last Sunday’s (Aug 1st) game. Result: Mighty Fishers, 192 all out from 35 overs; Abdul Aziz, 177 all out from 34. 3 (I think) overs.


So, another good win for us. This is how it happened.

Needless to say, Christina lost the toss, and the oppo put us into bat, which was a blessing in disguise as it was hotter than a snake’s arse in the back of a trailor.

The first two lambs to the slaughter were Mark Dawkins and Andy Harris.

First ball – Andy pulls it straight to square leg, who, to the relief of Andy and to the dismay of everyone else who would have loved to rip the p*ss out of Andy, dropped it.


Making the most of his second chance, Mao started to play his usual game, knocking a few nice fours, a few quick(ish) singles and did well to keep out some decent swing bowling.


Dawko also batted like a man possessed – by Pat!! I’m thinking of calling out Max von Sydow because this dude needs a bloody exorcist!! It’s official, Fat Pat has somehow lost a couple of hundred pounds and climbed into Dawko’s body, forcing him to obey his evil plan of defending absolutely bloody everything that comes his way! I’m sure that at one point I saw his head spin 360 degrees whilst he stabbed himself in the knackers with a cross!!

Anyway, Dawko/Pat finally got off the mark with his 36th – yes, 36th – delivery, with a beautifully-timed edge through the slips for four. A standing ovation from the sidelines ensued, which was about as welcome to Dawko as a wet fart in a lift. After another four and a couple of twos, he finally got out, bowled.


Luckily Harris was getting into his stride at the other end, and had amassed an impressive 30 off 41 balls before pulling a full toss to square leg, who managed this time to hold on.


That meant we had two new men at the crease – Bungle and the legend that is John King. Bungle immediately got into his stride, using all his Mr. Magoo powers to swing at anything that looked remotely red and round – thankfully by then, Harris had departed the pitch and was consequently out of danger!

Maximum twattage (phrase copyright by Ant) ensued, as Bungle racked up a mighty 56 off just 44 balls, including 7 fours and 2 sixes. Kingy ably supported him for a good 30 seconds, glancing a lovely four off his first delivery, followed by 5 dot balls and his wicket.


Captain Philips then strode to the crease. His intentions were clear from the off, as he tonked a cover drive for 4 and held his pose like a true knobhead. 8 more fours rolled off his bat, in a quality display of batting, as he amassed 42 from 35 balls, before being caught.


Boxer was next man in, but again failed to make an impression, making just 3 before being bowled by an unplayable inswinging yorker (unplayable by me anyway). Things were beginning to fall apart a touch, and Ant and Mark Edwards both got out cheaply. Bungle was run out on the final ball, as he was forced to run uphill and thus couldn’t rely on his old mate gravity for help.


Boxer and Harris opened the bowling for Fishers. Boxer continued his poor form of the day by bowling pants, whilst Harris, after being persuaded to bowl by Skipper Philips after having a big sulk, pulled his finger out and bowled pretty well, finishing with figures of 7 overs, 1 maiden, 14 runs for no wicket – a good effort considering he bowled all 7 overs on the spin in the heat, and ended up sweating more profusely than Jonathan King in Toys R Us.


The big turning point was Kingy, who replaced Boxer. His deceptively quick off-spinners had their openers bewildered at times, and he clean bowled the no. 4 with a ripper. Bungle bowled very tightly from the other end, and was extremely unlucky not to get a wicket from his 7 overs.


Christie then bolwed their opener, who had earlier survived being caught by Ant off a no-ball by Boxer, before a a couple (I think) of run outs, one of which thanks to a very nice throw by Dawko, who had bucketloads of energy left over having not swung his bat all afternoon. Boxer then finally bowled a good ball and had their other opener caught on the boundary by a brilliant flying catch by John Lee. With 5 overs to go, a small incident kicked off between Boxer and the cheating umpire. I won’t go into details because a) most of you know what happened already, b) it would take too long to explain it all and c) I’m taking a leaf out of Sven’s bit of stuff’s book and selling my story to the News of the World.


Anyway, surfice to say we closed out the match, wrapping up the final few wickets thanks to another run out and a couple of wickets by Dawko (one caught by Chris and the other an opportunist stumping by the portly Mao behind the sticks). The final wicket fell in the last over when Chris noticed the non-striking batsman was backing up to the point where he was nearer the other batsman than the bolwer, and, very unsportingly, took the bails off. And that was that.

Catch of the day: John Lee’s diving effort – fantastic catch.

Shot of the day: Bungle’s massive straight six off a very good swinging ball.


Cake of the day: The mini-chocolate balls.


Quote of the day: Their cheating umpire, who told me at the end of the game that he was going to eat me!! I’ve heard of a batsman feasting on a bolwer but this took the p**s.


And, so to the Man of the Match. Contenders were Chris – excellent innings of 42, Kingy – very tidy and consistent spell of bowling, Andy – nice knock and good bowling, Dawko – 2 wickets in 1 over and Boxer for his abaility to escape getting his head kicked in by a psycho cannibalistic umpire. But, the award goes to Bungle, whose knock of 56 truly was a pleasure to watch and marked a turning point not only in our innings but also the match in general. So, well done Pork Pie.